8-6 My History

It is thrilling, even a rush with the fright that sometimes comes with pushing the boundaries. Be it in writing or in some form of play. The thrill of seeing how far, how fast, how much can be crammed into a single event. Hockey is my favorite game, I grew up watching it with my grandfather and the best games, the ones that had us screaming at that old box on 4 legs near the fireplace was the times when they got into an altercation. Gloves flying off, helmets sliding across the ice as a fisticuffs moment broke out. Even better if the Rangers were beating the crap out of one of those looser Canadian teams, at least that is how it was in that house. Of course, the Rangers never lost, they were robbed by bad calls.

Fast forward to my teen years, decisions that would mold the rest of my life were the word of the day. What college did I plan to attend? What career was I looking at trying out? I remember my career counselor all but beating his head on his desk with me.  Apparently, the troublemaker student I was at the time did not have the foreseen discipline to become a doctor, a gynecologist to be exact. In retrospect that would have been a horrible choice for me, but I will skip the reasons why. I really wanted to become a writer but that was far from smart enough a career choice for someone of my skills. The thing is, I think if I had started back then I might have done quite well at it, potentially even making a name for myself. “Do not sell yourself short!” my parents’ mantra that pushed me into their mold of what they felt would be a good fit for me. During this time, I discovered girls did not give you cooties. In fact, they were quite pleasant company and there were benefits to getting especially close to some of them.

I was smitten with Kitten when I was fourteen. Her long red hair and buxom chest as she smiled with those deep blue eyes. Sigh, my first kiss and making out, first petting sessions. We never got any farther than that and we still stay in contact talking about life from time to time. My real sin was Jen, that brown haired demon in female form. We were rival high schools and both in the marching band of our respected school. We met at a competition and I was smitten with her. Romeo met his Juliette; we sealed the deal of our relationship on my sixteenth birthday when I skipped school and we started making out in a field. I was raw and new to relationships, but she was brazen and fiery, she knew what she liked and wanted without shame of expressing her desires. I got a crash course in sex and sexual fantasy. She wanted it to be rough and me to take what I wanted. Looking back there probably was some issue with her that I was unaware of, but I thought this was how all relationships worked. The next three years we were on and off again, we both dating others in the midst. Several of her female friends ended up in the back seat of my car. I felt like a big deal and I had quite a reputation of being a libertine. I was aggressive and forward, there was no edit button in my mind to mouth connection. I was fortunate that in all that insanity I never “took things too far” despite my aggressive nature.

College was a slap in the face, that pack I ran with had vanished and suddenly I was on my own. I met a sweet proper catholic girl who was always blushing at my forwardness and advances. When we got alone and I pinned her against the wall for a kiss and a feel I felt something all right. Her hand across my face. I was shocked and as much as it frustrated me, I also wanted to know what I had done wrong. That is when I learned my previous experiences were not the norm for a relationship. Of course, I was not interested in her version of a relationship. I listened and learned from her before we went our separate ways. I was soon introduced to another who was a huge influence in my world, she and I would sneak off to have fun in public places, it was a rush and I was hooked. She also introduced me to a guy who totally rocked my world like a F5 tornado in a trailer park.

I was raised men were to be with women, end of story no exceptions. Anyone who deviated from this was a pervert of the greatest order and would suffer horribly in life. He was as bold and brazen with me as I had been with Jen. The first time he took my face in his hand and pressed me against the wall for a kiss I almost collapsed. We spent that evening together and talked once he realized I had never been kissed by a man much less anything else. He was bisexual and that was fine by me, I was submissive to him and honestly in love. The next year was educational to say the least, he allowed me to express my thoughts freely and without shame or judgment. He introduced me to the wonderful world of BDSM and sexual freedom. When a situation arose that meant I would not be following the career path I originally started on he set me free. It was a tailspin spiral that sent me into chaos.

My first so called marriage was filled with secret affairs and wicked games. It was the only thing that made me feel alive and human, when that ended, I was a rogue free agent with a lust for adventure and all things pleasurable as I saw them. I lived on secrets and lies as a way of life. My second and very brief marriage was Jen 2.0 with a taste for rough and forced. We had no boundaries set, no safe words, her world was drugs alcohol and sex and mine was sex and alcohol. When I came to grips of the coming disaster, I got sober and she left. I spent years just floating about doing what I wanted but never in anything that resembled a committed relationship. My third marriage was good at first. I had hit a point I needed a break because this was not how “normal” people lived. It was good for a while, but a series of personal tragedy started ripping us apart. I missed the chaos, I needed it back to keep my sanity as I watched my wife of the time shrivel into a shell of the person she once was. I was an online flirt, perverted, shameless and found my footing in the poetry realm.

I started back on my exploration of my darker side; it was like coming up for air. Epic horror poems were rolling out as I reveled in the shock and awe they produced. That is when I ran across the mistress of angst. She was a force of nature and we ran in similar circles. A friend introduced us, and we got to talking. It was life changing to again be with someone who understood and accepted me as I was. She became my submissive and we were handfasted not long after. It was been a beautiful messy ride of an intensity I cherish, perfectly balanced chaos. We are open and poly, there are no lies, no secrets as we talk about everything.

So here I am, looking back as I am trying to make since of a upside down world. What is my next step, how will I proceed? Maybe I need to get that dark ink flowing again, after I wrote Dark Christmas several years ago it seemed to have stalled me. Maybe I need to revisit it and see what comes to mind.

7-29

Yeah well it is time for some of my twisted side. As always it can trigger the sensitive reader. If you are under 18 get lost, this isn’t for you.

Shattered and bleeding on the floor, curled up desperate

The twisted reality crashing all making plans turn to shit

Nothing to do but take it, wait it out, just react to the next blow

Fucking hate how it comes and comes without hopes glow

Hemorrhaging dreams beyond recovery do a death twitch

An increasing need growing like an incessant itch

Just to feel alive, to know it will come to a head

How to go on with what feel like a land of the lost and dead

Turbulent thoughts cloud clear rational reality

Clawing in a land of nightmares, sail on the bloody sea

Blistered hands gripping the rope, climb again, climb

Wary bones exhausted muscles running out of time

Impossible possibilities dangle just a fingertip away

Falling again, like a wounded animal left on display

Shattered, angry, screaming inside and snapping everything

Fuck it, what is there left to do when it is all in flame

Positive negativity eating like acid on the flesh

Nothing left but a husk flopping like a dying fish

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Scraping and clawing it has awakened from slumber

Now consumed with an endless gnawing hunger

Petulant flesh so weak when such power is roused

The surge of power washing aside the weak shroud

Finger to the sky, I am the despised and hated

Filled with needs that can be fed but can never sated

Laughing as they fear what goes bump in the night

It is the friendly smile that will bring a true fright

Intoxicated on the scent of fear the masses secrete

One on one is when it becomes a real treat…

Breath Play

I am continuing to share what I know about some of the kink world from my experiences. If you are under 18 this is not for you so scram.

Breath play is a multifaceted subculture that is part of the kink world. From auto-erotic asphyxiation to manual strangulation by a partner, it is considered one of the more dangerous of all the categories on the extreme side of the kink world because if it is done without a proper understanding it can cause brain damage and death. One does not have to look far to read a story of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone horribly wrong. There are also cases where a person either through ignorance or being “caught up in the moment” have compromised their partners ability to receive oxygen to their brain, thus leading to death or brain damage. I know, you are thinking damn man you are driving the point in hard about the danger. You are correct, I want everyone to be safe and have a great time. I would never recommend auto-erotic asphyxiation, ever! In a solo situation if something goes wrong there is little to no chance of being able to get help in time, even if your “buddy” is watching from Skype or Zoom. With a partner even then certain situations I personally refrain from engaging in. The potential risk is more then I consider acceptable for the reward.

Coffee

I will never use an object or device that can lock or catch where it is difficult to release. All you belt lovers I would highly recommend making sure the belt was unable to be secured when it is tightened. If the belt locks like it was designed to do then you will have to tighten it more and take a few extra seconds, that you may not have, to release the latch. A D-ring attached to a leather piece or old belt would be safer than an actual belt buckle and you can get one for fifty cents or less and any hardware or general store. The same goes for people who enjoy using rope to choke with. Twisting the rope to lock it so you do not have to use so much pressure to hold it can be dangerous. Twisting will tighten the rope even more around the neck, adding to the pressure you already applied. I seriously doubt your arms will get tired before you should have released the tension on the rope.

My personal recommendation would be using a bare hand to the sides of the throat and applying pressure for a few seconds to the artery, seconds being the count of ten and release. If you are unsure where the artery is then do a little research beforehand.  For any objects used on the throat to choke, said objects should be thick and preferably soft [like clothing] to keep even pressure. A shirt or towel are favorites of mine, they are thick and soft but get the intended result. Never use excessive pressure because it would be easy to damage or crush the larynx and /or trachea, also known as the windpipe.

Breath Play slides in and out of all the other forms of kink play like a sweet syrupy additive to a scene, it brings an additional euphoria to the one being properly choked. For the one doing the choking it is a rush of power and control. From the hands on, using a cloth on a neck, a pillow over the face (definitely not recommended without hand signals) to bagging; all come together in mysterious way to heighten the experience for some harder type kink players.

A simple hand over the mouth and pinching the nose is a form of breath play as well, often part of fear play I enjoy using in scenes. As simple as it is, the outcome is quite effective. It is close and personal normally with body to body contact. This form of breath play can also be applied by pressing a partner into the crook of the shoulder. Because the partner’s facial expressions cannot be seen this should only be done if both parties have talked about it before and have preset non-verbal signals.

Bagging is one I have never been interested in, it just never had been something I found fascinating or erotic, but I do know others that do. It is when a plastic bag is used over the face of a partner to slow or stop their breathing. I can not give any advice on this kind of play except like all other breath play use caution and think safety first.

Aquatic breath play is one I really do not care for. It included water boarding which in my opinion is akin to torture. Also, I have heard of holding someone’s head under water in a tub or pool while engaged in some form of sexual activity. For me this is way out of my boundaries. The danger of aspiration and further complications are high. Even though I identify as a sadist this is a realm of torture too far for me. In my opinion breath play should be about enjoying the ride not giving the other person a traumatic experience.

Before engaging in any kind of breath play type activity I highly suggest researching the risks and proper ways to engage in whatever form of this play you desire to try. Yes, it can be fun and yes, I do enjoy partners that green light breath play. I just want everyone to be smart and safe. Have fun enjoy and always educate yourself.

That hot September afternoon

This is an adult post so if you are not 18 or older leave

That hot September afternoon, the summer held us all in its grip. The sweat running down my back as every muscle was sore and pushed almost as far as possible. The dust hung in the breezeless afternoon as we rested under the tree, sticking to our skin and turning to paste in our mouths with every breath. Work on the fence was almost complete just a few more holes to dig and posts to set before the wire could be run. A dust devil danced and twisted on the dirt road not far behind the rusty old pickup truck, we would be finished by nightfall as I forced myself to get up one more time.

Jamie just laid there watching, the brim of her old ragged baseball hat pulled down over her eyes to keep the sun out. She rocked that country girl look with her button up plaid shirt tied at the midriff and those short cut off jeans that were little more than worn out threads. She was not much help when work was involved but she sure was easy on the eyes. A couple hours later I was done as she proclaimed me the victor of the fence line, well the posts at least. The line we would run tomorrow.harvest_moon

The moon rose over the edge of the field, it was big and reddish orange. That meant it was going to be another hot day tomorrow. Another day of me working in the blistering sun and Jamie watching nearby. I took my shirt out of the cab of the truck and wiped the sweat off my face, probably smearing more dirt and anything else. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked to the back and pulled the recycled milk jug and took several long drinks of the sweet tea that was in it.

“Help me up.” She playfully said

I shot her that crazy look I was known for. I was exhausted from working and now that spoiled brat wanted me to help her off the ground.

“Your legs ain’t broken” I shot back in my southern drawl.

“I’ll make it worth your while.” She said and bit her bottom lip.

I really hated how she would play me, or at least try to. Sometimes I wondered what she would have done if I had just gotten in the truck and left her in the field. Knowing her, she would have waited till her daddy came and found her then I would have gotten in trouble. I had been working for him for several seasons now, he knew we fancied each other but do not think he realized how much. That first year I was just a high school kid for summer help, and she was running around in pigtails and braces. Now years down the road I would work because it was easier to get in shape on the farm than at the gym. Summer break was like a bootcamp to get back into shape and I had definitely felt it this year. The sun turned my skin a deep copper color, my muscles grew, and the fat melted off in the hot summer days. Jamie traded in her pig tails and braces for a ponytail and midriffs. I know she caught me more than once checking her out.

I offered her a hand and pulled her up with enough force to pull her into my arms. Her lithe frame crashed into my body as I held her. Her eyes flashed that fire of a wild crazy girl I knew was in there before she tried to look offended and play at pushing me away. I did not let go this time. This time she looked in my eyes and I could see her look softened; her push lessened as I leaned in. That first kiss was electric in that field under the tree. The first flickers of fireflies were dancing in the field, a lone coyote howled in the distance.

I picked her up and sat her on the tailgate, my lips gazed hers again. I could feel her shudder as I kissed her, when I nibbled on her earlobe, she let out a mew sound. It was a great feeling as I knew she felt the same attraction I did. Nothing was spoken as my hands ran over her body, then slowly untied her shirt. Her soft skin as my lips kissed her all over and slowly down to her shorts. I fumbled with the button on the top then used my teeth to pull the zipper down. Her scent was intoxicating as I slid the shorts down with my hands but never mover my face. That first taste of her nectar was all it took for me to need more. My tongue licked and danced, making sure I covered ever spot and listened to what made her whine the most. When I found that combination I kept going, repeating the same pattern as her back arched and her fingers locked in my hair. Her yelps and moans filled the field till she let out a series of oh god and unintelligible words. I let her calm down as she looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Wha..wha…What just happened?” she finally stammered out.

“I would guess you just and an orgasm.”

“Does it always feel like that?”

“I guess, I don’t really know. Wait you never had that before?”

She shook her head no and even in the dim light I could see her blush.

“Did you like it?”

Her head slowly shook yes, and I could see the fire growing in her eyes as I could tell she wanted more.

Before summer’s end we were like wild rabbits, in the fields, the barn loft, even the old building we found at the edge of the property line. Summer was winding down and I was getting ready to go back to school. As I left I had no idea what I had set in motion, that was the last time I saw Jamie but from what I heard she became a crazed beast.

Kink, SSC, and RACK

In the BDSM world there and many terms and acronyms tossed around, most are self-explanatory. A few are so engrained that they are used with an expectation they are understood even though many outsiders or new people have no idea what the terms really mean. I would like to briefly share my thoughts and ideas on a few of these here. I might go into more detail later but for now here are the broad strokes.

Kink is one of my favorites, at first blush it known to be a sexual thing, but what exactly is kink, or kinky? By definition kink, when applied to a person, is a quirk of character or behavior, a person’s unusual sexual preference. As clear as that sounds it is still rather vague, after all who is to say what is normal or acceptable? It is also easy to get kink and taboo confused. Taboo is something prohibited or restricted by social custom. Not all kink is taboo, and not all taboo is kink though some people would judge other people’s kink as taboo.  Yeah, it gets confusing and can often be seen in many ways, often it depends on how open minded the person is and what the standard of the society there were raised in. In my personally dating past I have had a partner who thought having the lights on was kinky, others have had varying expectations and ideas of what kink was. With so many possible variations communication is the only way to assure you are on the same page with a partner.

In my opinion you should be able to openly communicate with the person you wish to engage with. I get it, sometimes it feels odd or silly explaining what you want or feel. I can assure you it is even worse having a relationship fall apart because you both wanted the same thing but were to afraid to talk about desires. Find a way to make yourself comfortable asking for what you want, practice at the mirror, with a pillow or stuffed animal. It is not always easy to open up, there is that feeling of being exposed when asking for something desired. The fear of rejection or judgment often inhibit the ability to directly ask for what is wanted. The struggle of should we just try and make it happen and hope for the best to just go without till hopefully the partner leads the interaction in that direction. I have found it goes much smoother when you just talk about what you want and desire, then see if you both are a match. The other two options leave it open for a growing resentment and eventual dissolvement of any kind of relationship.

Next there is SSC, with stands for safe, sane and consensual. Each word sounds self-clarifying but what does it mean in the world of kink and in particular, BDSM? Safe is following an acceptable play style that is not meant to bring harm. Light and breakaway bondage, easy off blindfolds and things of that sort, it often comes with a level of trust. Sane is the implication that both parties are in their right mind. They have no issue or reservation with the planned and discussed elements of a scene and all involved are of a sober mind. Finally, there is consensual, with all parties being engaged willingly and without being coerced in some way. It sounds simple enough at first glance, but how are you sure it falls into all categories? Safe requires being educated on the scene being performed, knowing what truly is safe both physically, mentally and psychology for all involved. Past abuse and fear could come into play here, a fear of the dark would make a blindfold a poor choice in some cases. This is where open and honest communication come into play. It could happen that because of the trust level a blindfold would be acceptable despite the normal fear of the dark. The same applies with sane here, sanity in a scene is what the parties agree upon, what limits are there and the trust they will not be violated. That last flowing into the consensual part, everything being agreed to before hand without a sudden change of plan during the scene unless it is to stop the scene. There would be no badgering or pressure to do something new or different.  SSC is often considered the basis of all BDSM scenes, there should be some degree of the SSC model involved.

RACK or risk assessed consensual kink, is what I feel most represents my personal style. It requires open communication and trust, secrets or hidden feelings in this type of play can lead to harm for one or more of the people involved. Most kinky activities involve a degree of risk, from spanking that could form a bruise with a remote possibility of becoming a blood clot to edge play that if performed without properly being educated can lead to permanent injury or even death. Most scenes are not the extreme level, though there could be parts that fall into the category with varying degrees of risk. From wax play that could cause burns to breath play, blade play, bondage, each with their own levels from mild to the extreme styles of play. Most people I know would say RACK is just for the hard or heavy players and I agree for the most part. I am also consciously aware that every form of kink play has a risk, it is just knowing what the risks are. If I am thinking about performing a certain type of risky play to be aware of all that could go wrong and making sure my partner is aware as well. Education is key in RACK play to keep all parties safe.

I said will kept this brief and just touched the highlights of what I thought about each. If you would like to share your ideas or comments, I would appreciate that very much. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read what I have to say.

My Negotiation in BDSM

Negotiation in a BDSM scene is something I have been asked about several times. How do I do it? How does it work? What would it look like? I would love to say here you go, this is the formula for a successful negotiation and just remember to follow each step without deviation. It would be neat and easy, just bring a list of expectations and say this is what you must do. If I did that when I negotiated it would be quick fast and easy; as they ran away, probably screaming.


By personal admission I am a Sadist, Top, Dominant, bisexual, polyamorous male. I do enjoy what would be considered vanilla sexual interaction as well. That being said, where I think the negotiation first begins is with attraction. If the attraction is not mutual then nothing would happen anyway so walk away. As the saying goes, there is no use in beating a dead horse.
Next there would be a flirting and getting to know the person phase, we talk and see if we share similar likes and dislikes. A joke or saying here and there to see how the other person reacts. Eventually this can build into more daring and suggestive comments. At this point I determine are we just friends, sexy friends who can have risqué discussions or something more.
Once that threshold of something more is crossed It is time for more personal digging and discussion. Up to this point is looks like typical every day personal interactions evolving into a romantic relationship many people have. Now that that line has been crossed and it is apparent that we can be something more I seek a more private and personal interaction with the person I am interested in.
The one on one comes in various forms, from text to face to face meetings. At this juncture I ask point blank if they have other relationships, not that I mind, I just do not want to be blindsided by a jealous lover. In the same token I would let them know have a primary relationship and have no interest in replacing my primary partner. My primary partner has already been informed about the new person of interest and we have talked about the new person in some depth. At this phase I also discuss in greater depth the likes and dislikes of the person I am interested in as well as sharing my own thoughts and ideas. This is the point most people would consider the negotiation to begin, for me this has all lead up to a point where is an established base to continue from. This of course does not apply to a one-night stand or chance meeting encounter, for the most part those are rare and not the kind of dealings that are generally part of my desired interaction.
Now we have arrived at the part many think of when talking about the negotiation process. The open communication about likes, dislikes, curiosities and desires all spun around till a type of scene or relationship can be agreed on. It is a process that can go quickly or take months or longer to come to a agreed on plan.
What do you like? This question is an open-ended exploration of the other person. The answers range from an extremely specific type of engagement to I do not know, I just want to see what is out there to learn. If they know exactly what they want, and you are comfortable with it then congratulations and move to the planning phase, most often that is not the case. Then I start asking about what I like to see if there is a match. Often I will ask what do you think about (insert type of activity). I expect the yes, no or I am not sure about that, if they still are vague or say I want to try everything I get rather snarky. Everything is a huge list, from as soft and easy as petting, to hard core and full contact forced play. As I tend to be into heavy type play I say I would like to just (fill in the blank at the moment) Normally it is something on the extreme line and often they do a knee jerk oh hell no, that is not what I want to have done. If they still do not know after I have explained a few things I like, then I just walk away. I do not mind teaching or helping someone explore their boundaries but there must be a starting point.
Once there is an established set of boundaries then we set a time and place for a scene. Enjoy as many times as you both wish. Negotiation is knowing what you want and finding someone who wants the same or similar things. It can seem intimidating the first few times but after finding your own style it gets easier. Just remember, if you do not have the same likes then it probably will end in disaster. Also, if they want something you are not comfortable with then express that too, if the other person is insistent you must do or try it then excuse yourself and walk away. It is not worth putting yourself in a situation that you will regret later just to please someone new. Things can change over time as trust builds so negotiation is not just a one time thing but an ongoing process.

I am Disgusted

I am disgusted, enraged, revolted and otherwise just outright ashamed at the recent events in the kink blogging community. I will not be naming names or calling people out, I am seething, waiting for the childish hateful attacks to stop. If someone’s feeling or ego are so fragile they shatter like glass over a post that they took in a way so few have, then maybe they might want to look closer at their own self and do some soul searching. I am all for supporting friends and acquaintances but not at the cost of being divisive in our community that is already under heavy scrutiny and disdain from much of society.

These recent activities I have witnessed seem more like a pack of coyotes trying to take down prey rather than an honest mistake or blatant attack on the person or group that claims to have been wronged. To claim that someone apology was disingenuine or just for show will never allow them to ever be able to make amends. It is a militant mindset that disavow someone’s apology while constantly escalating till only their opinion is being touted loud and clear as if it is the only correct view.

It is disheartening to watch as bloggers that have supported and worked together for years now take sides. Suddenly there are lines in the sand, people that we are not supposed to talk or associate with. What happened to my kink is my kink and I can support others even if it is not my thing? Together we are a powerful force to be reckoned with, divided there will be infighting till only ashes of a once thriving community existed. As kink bloggers will we allow this to happen? I know tensions are high with all that is going on in the world, but people wake up, put aside the petty differences and allow an apology to be accepted. I consider those who will not accept an apology as the aggressor and danger to the community. The person/s trying to cause the fractures are a plague and the covid-19 of the blogging world.

For now, I will continue to blog what I feel like, write what I want to write. Participate where I enjoy participating and share what I feel like sharing. It is ok if you do not agree with me. There is a reason Baskin Robbins had 42 flavors, because we are all individuals and our likes vary. I will encourage everyone to stop and think how they would feel if suddenly they were under the same level of attack. Just be you, accept we are all different. Education is fine and disagreements will happen, but we are part of a big, fun great and often dysfunctional family. It’s time to stop bashing and start building one another up.

Halls of my mind

Silky raven black hair slipping softly through my fingers. A kiss on her lips that is sweet and lingers.

Walking in the halls of my mind, so many things to see and find. Rooms along halls of memory with offshoots to the halls of dreams and fantasy. Some easily opened, others sealed shut, each a world in its own to examine. Fog rolls alone the floor, giving way to the path now followed. There it is, I know that hall well. One side reality, the other fantasy I know so well.

Silky raven black hair slipping softly through my fingers. A kiss on her lips that is sweet and lingers. Eyes white as marble, skin cold and the color of snow. The bodice cut open, a crimson line where the blade passed. Exposed breast with nipple hard as stone, soft flesh where my fingers roam. Kissing and nibbling the ear that I seduced with my words, now only moans to be heard. The skirt hiked up, a sexual display of breathtaking beauty. Dare another kiss, feel another embrace as this moment will be eternally bound. The nails that dug in my flesh polished with blood that has been drawn. Entering the cold flesh again, the rocking motion brings the pale flesh to a new life. Sweat rises and beads on my skin, dripping down to her body again. Growing moans of pleasure echo off the walls as lustful desire is released. Her kiss back cold as ice and deep and the grave. Hands now grasp again as this might be the day.

Death my lover for so long always teasing and pleasing but never taking that last breath away. Down this hall she hold a special place I go to each day.

Beast and Sheep

Before you plunge into reading this you should be warned it is raw, emotional and could trigger some. There you have been duly warned…

God are you fucking kidding me, it is total bullshit feeling like this. Fucking piece of shit society tells me what rages in my mind and blood is wrong. Genetics, evolution, whatever the fuck it is; the real question is why is it? Sure I can fit in, play chameleon or try to cut out the most powerful part of me. Blending only works so well for so long. Always that itch, the scratching in the back of my head. Fucking hell it’s like trying to run from death, being a part of the wolf pack being haunted by what is my nature. You either get it or you don’t.

Lick the blade and feel that sharp edge craving a taste of blood. Clip it to the hip and walk out into the world. Prey everywhere, flesh flashing like a never-ending parade all but begging to be hunted. The beast kicking the cage as tits and ass flash. That scent of the bitches in heat like a drug fires up the carnal carnival need. Screaming inside while calm and cool outside, the mind racing, resolve bracing against the beast that slams against the door over and over again. Now I scream inside, not for a lack of want but for a need to be hidden in the mass of sheep. A blood thirst wolf can only be kept starved for so long before it rips the throat from its prey. Feeding as the flock looks on in horror.

Monster they scream, beast that should be locked away or destroyed. FUCK YOU! Deny what you are inside, a land of mentally castrated predators. Ignore that itch, turn away as you feel the twitch. COWARD! PUSSY! FUCKING BALLLESS SHEEP! I tried, the gods know I’ve tried. Repression, ignoring, hiding it deep inside behind a mask of the socially acceptable smile. Hell cannot be walled up, fate will prevail and roll over the land in a wave. A metropolis of blood washed streets filled with screams. Flesh is a fleeting thing, mere food for the worms that wait with hungry maws craving more and more. Death is such a hollow thing, it is the fear, agony and pain that give true flavor to life. Being a master of them, to bring each in full furry is a god power. Oh the desire to walk as a god amongst the mass of fearful sheep. To devour what is there to take. It is not simple to maintain the level, to hold the power, It is pure force of will and the ability to command it. No more anxiety holding back for the so called social norms.

For thousands of years life has been a primal struggle. Fang, flesh and blood splattering the world in a crimson paint that is far more pure than this anemic pathetic existence. An existence that is now held in some desperate need to seem normal, slave to the system we created. Slave to a piece of paper that is giving an arbitrary value. For that people are made into a cogs to work the vast machine of socially acceptable work. Once broken  they are tossed aside and forgotten. Life is nothing more than a farce now. Mental health is from the lack of struggle and pain. WAKE UP! Madness you say? I dare you to sit in a wall of isolated “normalcy” existing to only repeat the same task the next day. Safe with no struggle, just day after day in that routine. That is madness.

Sickness has crept in and infected this society. Safety to the point we have shattered our purpose. Freedom and adventure traded for security. Anarchy whispered like a bad word, no sheep, it is the purest form of reality. Safety and control are an illusion you pathetic Eloi. The dark scares you because you have lost your purpose. The darkness is home and a place of serenity for me. Only when the animal side is loose do I truly feel alive. No regret, no apologies for doing what is natural.

The only way to stop this is to stop the beating of this feral heart. Dare you to try, come and see if you can. Feel the rush, touch the edge of godhood, if you have the fortitude. Once a taste had touch the lips it becomes a craving, the beast is awakened.

Crazy? Hardly, just an awakening to the reality of the primal nature. The flesh is there for the thrill of the hunt. The hunt fuel for the beast that needs to feed.