My Negotiation in BDSM

Negotiation in a BDSM scene is something I have been asked about several times. How do I do it? How does it work? What would it look like? I would love to say here you go, this is the formula for a successful negotiation and just remember to follow each step without deviation. It would be neat and easy, just bring a list of expectations and say this is what you must do. If I did that when I negotiated it would be quick fast and easy; as they ran away, probably screaming.


By personal admission I am a Sadist, Top, Dominant, bisexual, polyamorous male. I do enjoy what would be considered vanilla sexual interaction as well. That being said, where I think the negotiation first begins is with attraction. If the attraction is not mutual then nothing would happen anyway so walk away. As the saying goes, there is no use in beating a dead horse.
Next there would be a flirting and getting to know the person phase, we talk and see if we share similar likes and dislikes. A joke or saying here and there to see how the other person reacts. Eventually this can build into more daring and suggestive comments. At this point I determine are we just friends, sexy friends who can have risqué discussions or something more.
Once that threshold of something more is crossed It is time for more personal digging and discussion. Up to this point is looks like typical every day personal interactions evolving into a romantic relationship many people have. Now that that line has been crossed and it is apparent that we can be something more I seek a more private and personal interaction with the person I am interested in.
The one on one comes in various forms, from text to face to face meetings. At this juncture I ask point blank if they have other relationships, not that I mind, I just do not want to be blindsided by a jealous lover. In the same token I would let them know have a primary relationship and have no interest in replacing my primary partner. My primary partner has already been informed about the new person of interest and we have talked about the new person in some depth. At this phase I also discuss in greater depth the likes and dislikes of the person I am interested in as well as sharing my own thoughts and ideas. This is the point most people would consider the negotiation to begin, for me this has all lead up to a point where is an established base to continue from. This of course does not apply to a one-night stand or chance meeting encounter, for the most part those are rare and not the kind of dealings that are generally part of my desired interaction.
Now we have arrived at the part many think of when talking about the negotiation process. The open communication about likes, dislikes, curiosities and desires all spun around till a type of scene or relationship can be agreed on. It is a process that can go quickly or take months or longer to come to a agreed on plan.
What do you like? This question is an open-ended exploration of the other person. The answers range from an extremely specific type of engagement to I do not know, I just want to see what is out there to learn. If they know exactly what they want, and you are comfortable with it then congratulations and move to the planning phase, most often that is not the case. Then I start asking about what I like to see if there is a match. Often I will ask what do you think about (insert type of activity). I expect the yes, no or I am not sure about that, if they still are vague or say I want to try everything I get rather snarky. Everything is a huge list, from as soft and easy as petting, to hard core and full contact forced play. As I tend to be into heavy type play I say I would like to just (fill in the blank at the moment) Normally it is something on the extreme line and often they do a knee jerk oh hell no, that is not what I want to have done. If they still do not know after I have explained a few things I like, then I just walk away. I do not mind teaching or helping someone explore their boundaries but there must be a starting point.
Once there is an established set of boundaries then we set a time and place for a scene. Enjoy as many times as you both wish. Negotiation is knowing what you want and finding someone who wants the same or similar things. It can seem intimidating the first few times but after finding your own style it gets easier. Just remember, if you do not have the same likes then it probably will end in disaster. Also, if they want something you are not comfortable with then express that too, if the other person is insistent you must do or try it then excuse yourself and walk away. It is not worth putting yourself in a situation that you will regret later just to please someone new. Things can change over time as trust builds so negotiation is not just a one time thing but an ongoing process.

Magic Box

The single light beaming down into Jasmin’s face blinded her from seeing across the table. The hard metal folding chair started to feel like a torture device. Her hands cuffed to a ring under the table forced her to sit up straight as well as prevented her from resting them. The room was a touch warm but not hot enough to sweat with classical music playing in the background.  His voice was monotone as he asked the questions making her even more anxious. She knew he was watching for any tells as he asked each question on the paper before him. Starting with her name, age where she lived, he worked his way methodically down the list.

“Have you ever engaged in any unusual or deviant sexual behavior, or do you plan to in the near future?”

That question jolted her to the core. What was considered unusual or deviant? Her mind raced across the different things her lovers had done with and to her. All of it was exciting to her as she explored her sexual sides. The sudden sliding of pictures across the table made her feel even more exposed. There were images of her bound in various positions, experiencing the joy of embracing her submissive side. The sudden scraping of his chair as it was suddenly pushed back. He walked around the table, little more that a form in shadows as he walked behind her.

“Look at those pictures!” his voice a commanding snarl “Do you feel this type of behavior is appropriate?”

Jasmin shifted in her chair, her mind went back to each scene and the pleasure she got from each one shown. She could feel her nipples getting even harder, that butterfly in the pit of her stomach came alive. His hot breath on the back of her neck as he was right behind her. She began to sweat as her face flushed.

“Well, is it acceptable? Is this the kind of behavior you think is appropriate to engage in?”

“I, I enjoyed what happened in those pictures.” Jasmin stammered.

“I see.” He replied. “What part did you enjoy the most?”

Each picture showed different type scenes, each had been new to her at the time. They all were something she liked. The one in the middle though, she tried to not look directly at it. She remembered the feeling of being naked in the room, kneeling as each hand was tied to her ankle, forcing her to sit up straight and exposing her breast. The bar between her knees keeping her legs forced apart. The way his rough hands explored her body, probing her openings wile all she could do was take it. The pinch of the clams on each nipple, the cold invasion in her pussy and ass when he put the strange looking belt oh her.

“What did you enjoy the most?” he asked again

“The one in the middle.” Jasmin knew better than to lie, he would have found out anyway.

“How interesting.” He said, his voice still steady even though his breathing had sped up. “Would you like that again? To be exposed and used?”

Her voice just above a whisper as she replied “Yes”

There was no time for her to react as he uncuffed her. Jasmin could feel herself offering no resistance as he manhandled her. Being picked up and laid on the table before she was secured to it. Her legs quickly bound then her wrists tied to her ankles again. A small stand was placed under her head because it otherwise would lean off the end of the table. In just a few quick minutes Jasmin was tied to the table with the pictures under her. Their uneven feeling over the smooth surface added to her feeling exposed. Then the magic box, she could see the cold metal inserts as he walked closer, the wires attached to the box. She shuddered as he pushed them in. A final touch as he added a blindfold, she could only hear and feel everything. A click and the light pulsing began.

maxresdefault

Jasmin lay there as the man adjusted the dials, the speed and intensity of the little shock running into her pussy and over the clit causing them to spasm till she arched without warning. The wave of pleasure took her by surprise.

“Now it is time for you to ride the wave” he said with a sinister tone.

A tweak to the settings and Jasmin felt her whole body tense, this was beyond words. The never-ending intense peak of an orgasm. She could hear him counting but it was like a far away sound. Then a click and her body collapsed. He chuckled as she whimpered.

“I told you that I could make you experience an unrelenting orgasm.” His voice almost triumphant. “I just needed you to pick which point we would start from. Now five, four three two, one.”

A click and he turned the machine back on. Jasmin jerked and arched suddenly; the peak of pleasure rushed through her body as he left it on the setting. The world started to blur more and more the longer he left it on. Sweat covered her flesh as he watched. Her muscles tight and shaking as there was no end. He flipped the switch off, she collapsed in total exhaustion. She half expected some smoldering effect from her body as he unhooked her. Taking off the blindfold she could see his smile like a proud cat that caught the bird.

“You did great Jasmin, you made it to the two minute mark.”

“Two minutes? That was just two minutes?”

“I told you, the box is a magic time machine. Now next time we will try something a bit different” he said with a wink and looked over toward the St Andrews cross.

cross

Come see who else is being wicked this week

 

”Wicked