Whips, chains and ropes oh my, the world of BDSM is an exciting realm to explore and see how far it will take you. BDSM covers such a huge realm from soft DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl) to rope bunnies, D/s (Dominant/submissive), and more extreme relationships. One misconception commonly held is the need to engage in sex to have a scene. Do not misunderstand me, sex and sexuality play a part but there is no need for actual penetration while doing a scene. A rope bunny can be tied fully clothed, a spanking scene can be done with jeans on, in fact the jeans can make it sting more.
Ask any professional Dom or Dommie, often their scenes do not allow for penetration because of the situation. Especially if the local laws prevent it. Without going into each state or countries regulation it is safe to assume that in many places the interaction between a professional top or bottom with a client sexual intercourse is illegal. Thin about how much more energy would be put toward a scene if having sex was taken off the table.
For a what would be consider a good satisfying scene there might need to be a bit more creativity. Expand your thinking of how to make it exciting for the partner. Use that brain and see what is possible, a rope bunny with different color rope to make it more pretty or take time to learn a new knot tie or whole form of tying. A spanking scene can be fun with various kinds of impact toys. A good spanker knows how each item delivers a different kind of impact. From floggers to paddles or canes, each having their own feel and type of impact, a good spanker knows each one works and feels.
The key in BDSM is that is creates a deeper connection and exploration. Have fun, and for goodness sake Tops do not take yourself so seriously that laughter is a bad thing. I have seen those stuffy Top that are total control freaks needing it to go perfect. If something goes sideways, they totally lose their mind. Where is the fun and excitement in that? Just relax and go with the moment and enjoy it.
BDSM is a beautiful realm, it takes communication and honesty to make it work. If you feel you are unable to share every desire and need then that is not the relationship you need to be in. A single scene or two would be fine, but it would bode trouble for a long-term relationship. Neither side should have secrets, they are horrible and will eventually ruin the relationship. If one needs a poly relationship and the other monogamous it will lead to cheating or resentment. If one need to be involved in impact play and the other finds it boring or hates it then it will eventually lead to disaster for the relationship. If one is into CNC (consensual – nonconsensual) and the other holds back the secret they were assaulted, it can lead to an explosive situation or total breakdown in a scene.
I for one enjoy the world of BDSM and hope you do as well. My wish to everyone is that they have many wonderful experiences and grown in their wisdom and adventure. So have fun people and always remember to practice safety when engaging in any form of BDSM play.
In the BDSM world there and many terms and acronyms tossed around, most are self-explanatory. A few are so engrained that they are used with an expectation they are understood even though many outsiders or new people have no idea what the terms really mean. I would like to briefly share my thoughts and ideas on a few of these here. I might go into more detail later but for now here are the broad strokes.
Kink is one of my favorites, at first blush it known to be a sexual thing, but what exactly is kink, or kinky? By definition kink, when applied to a person, is a quirk of character or behavior, a person’s unusual sexual preference. As clear as that sounds it is still rather vague, after all who is to say what is normal or acceptable? It is also easy to get kink and taboo confused. Taboo is something prohibited or restricted by social custom. Not all kink is taboo, and not all taboo is kink though some people would judge other people’s kink as taboo. Yeah, it gets confusing and can often be seen in many ways, often it depends on how open minded the person is and what the standard of the society there were raised in. In my personally dating past I have had a partner who thought having the lights on was kinky, others have had varying expectations and ideas of what kink was. With so many possible variations communication is the only way to assure you are on the same page with a partner.
In my opinion you should be able to openly communicate with the person you wish to engage with. I get it, sometimes it feels odd or silly explaining what you want or feel. I can assure you it is even worse having a relationship fall apart because you both wanted the same thing but were to afraid to talk about desires. Find a way to make yourself comfortable asking for what you want, practice at the mirror, with a pillow or stuffed animal. It is not always easy to open up, there is that feeling of being exposed when asking for something desired. The fear of rejection or judgment often inhibit the ability to directly ask for what is wanted. The struggle of should we just try and make it happen and hope for the best to just go without till hopefully the partner leads the interaction in that direction. I have found it goes much smoother when you just talk about what you want and desire, then see if you both are a match. The other two options leave it open for a growing resentment and eventual dissolvement of any kind of relationship.
Next there is SSC, with stands for safe, sane and consensual. Each word sounds self-clarifying but what does it mean in the world of kink and in particular, BDSM? Safe is following an acceptable play style that is not meant to bring harm. Light and breakaway bondage, easy off blindfolds and things of that sort, it often comes with a level of trust. Sane is the implication that both parties are in their right mind. They have no issue or reservation with the planned and discussed elements of a scene and all involved are of a sober mind. Finally, there is consensual, with all parties being engaged willingly and without being coerced in some way. It sounds simple enough at first glance, but how are you sure it falls into all categories? Safe requires being educated on the scene being performed, knowing what truly is safe both physically, mentally and psychology for all involved. Past abuse and fear could come into play here, a fear of the dark would make a blindfold a poor choice in some cases. This is where open and honest communication come into play. It could happen that because of the trust level a blindfold would be acceptable despite the normal fear of the dark. The same applies with sane here, sanity in a scene is what the parties agree upon, what limits are there and the trust they will not be violated. That last flowing into the consensual part, everything being agreed to before hand without a sudden change of plan during the scene unless it is to stop the scene. There would be no badgering or pressure to do something new or different. SSC is often considered the basis of all BDSM scenes, there should be some degree of the SSC model involved.
RACK or risk assessed consensual kink, is what I feel most represents my personal style. It requires open communication and trust, secrets or hidden feelings in this type of play can lead to harm for one or more of the people involved. Most kinky activities involve a degree of risk, from spanking that could form a bruise with a remote possibility of becoming a blood clot to edge play that if performed without properly being educated can lead to permanent injury or even death. Most scenes are not the extreme level, though there could be parts that fall into the category with varying degrees of risk. From wax play that could cause burns to breath play, blade play, bondage, each with their own levels from mild to the extreme styles of play. Most people I know would say RACK is just for the hard or heavy players and I agree for the most part. I am also consciously aware that every form of kink play has a risk, it is just knowing what the risks are. If I am thinking about performing a certain type of risky play to be aware of all that could go wrong and making sure my partner is aware as well. Education is key in RACK play to keep all parties safe.
I said will kept this brief and just touched the highlights of what I thought about each. If you would like to share your ideas or comments, I would appreciate that very much. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read what I have to say.
The topic this week is how sexual is BDSM to you. For me this brings up so many different ideas and scenarios, thinking back over a couple decades of various kinds of scenes and categories of play. Different partners, locations and styles I have engaged in or with. At the end of the day it really is all about how far you are willing to take things. What are the things one wants to explore, are there limits that are soft and where is that do not cross line? The mind of my partner is just as sexy as their body. I enjoy sharing ideas or possible scenes and letting thoughts sink in as the anticipation grows till it is almost tangible, it is a type of foreplay for me. Negotiating a scene/relationship is something that may seem tedious but in the end it is necessary for any healthy engagement.
Several times I have been asked what are my personal limits, is there I line I will not cross. If you have been reading my blogs for a while you would know I tend to push the boundaries and can make many people uncomfortable. I will admit I get a sadistic thrill of reading how a scene sent a cold chill running down someone’s spine. I am not without personal limits though and I will share a few here.
I respectfully refuse to engage with someone that say they have no limits; everyone has something that is out of bounds for them. To hear someone say they have no limits means possibly they do not have a understanding of the BDSM world, potentially they lack a sence of self-respect or preservation. It only takes a couple of questions to figure out which it is. With the former a little education and suddenly it turns from a kinky conversation to an explanation of things in the kink world and possibly a scene later. For the latter I suggest they find help. Some just like the idea of danger, but a few are seriously looking for harm from another. I could write a whole blog about those I have encountered that are looking for someone else to do them harm but that is not what this post is about.
Another absolute rule and definite hard limit for me is the use of alcohol or drugs before a scene. A drink or two depending of what is being consumed I might consider but when it becomes a point of impairment then I will simply walk away. If someone needs to alter their mind or lower their inhibitions to allow a scene to happen then in my humble opinion it is most likely past the comfort zone of that individual. I did not come to this personal limit arbitrarily, in fact there was a time when it did not matter either way to me. With age comes wisdom I guess, plus a couple mornings of regretting the previous nights actions. I get it, not everyone agrees on this, but it is my limit.
Consent is my last hard limit here; some would say that is an oxymoron given my proclivity toward CNC (consensual non-consensual) and RACK (Risk Assessed Consensual Kink) but there is a huge difference between consensual play seeming like it is from a non-consensual direction and actual non-consent. A CNC scene takes a lot of time, trust and effort, limits have to be discussed in detail, wants and desires need to be clear and concise. There is always, always, always a safe word that can be the fallback if things get too sideways for either party. Yes, I did just say either party, because as a responsible dominant, top, whatever you call the lead aggressor in a scene, he or she needs to be aware that the object of their attentions is still another human beings with normal physical limitations. This goes for RACK scenes as well. Even though risky and exciting situations can be fun the top must always be mentally aware of the potential danger they are putting the other person in, even though they have full consent. Why do I put it all on the Top? Because simply put when a submissive allows them to be put in a situation like that they literally are trusting you with their life, health and mental wellbeing. For those that understand this goes without saying but when a bottom gets into what we call subspace their thinking is altered. The lines between pain and pleasure blur, danger becomes some abject thing that does not really exist, previously discussed limits become flexible. In other words, they are extremely vulnerable and could be easily manipulated. If those boundaries are broken, the limit pushed past, lines of consent ignored they may seem to enjoy it at the time but once it is all said and done there will be damage to deal with. After any scene they will crash and need to be comforted, then they will begin to process what they experienced, if all went well and according to the preset negotiation then they will be happy and content. If not, they will feel guilty, angry, betrayed and lash out in some manner, from angry words to legal action against the person who they allowed to be in control of them.
Yes, I know I got a little off topic it seems but for me the ultimate sexual satisfaction for me is what I would call a perfect scene. One where every party enjoyed, we connected mentally as well as physically, even if what is typically perceived as sexual actions never occurred. Clothing does not have to come off, though yes, I do enjoy that as well. It is the satisfaction of a scene well done. That is how sexual satisfaction in BDSM works for me.
Greg was rather proud of himself for his ingenious idea on how he pulled it off.
“It was all fantasy” Sandy said, her voice trembling as his wicked smile grew even bigger “Just a game to help get us both off with.”
Trigger warning as is common with most of my blogs, This post is a continuation of last weeks wicked Wednesday. Hope you enjoy.
Greg sneered as he walked over to the bench. As his thick hands fiddled with the bench, he turned and looked back at Sandy, he could see her sweating in nervous anticipation. It had slowly been planned from the first personality he had presented to her, a plan he gradually let play out till he got enough information to make it happen. He always got excited hearing her fantasies and how many wicked things she wanted to happen to her. Each session she would end by saying, of course this is just fantasy because it could never happen, right? Everything was possible but not all were practical. The hardest part was her desire to be kidnapped by a total stranger.
Greg was rather proud of himself for his ingenious idea on how he pulled it off. He was worried the kidnapping part would fail and he would have to skedaddle or worse, get in caught and arrested. Setting up his den of sin, as he called it when describing the empty building to her, was easy by compare. Five years of preparation went into his plan, saved emails and conversations. Greg’s favorite part were the pictures she would send. Some were of her trying to make herself look like a damsel in distress, others were pictures she sent him, everything she sent was saved. Greg smiled as he turned on the projector and the pictures began to beam onto the white wall near the arranged devices of torment.
Sandy gasped as the opening was a picture taken long ago, it was a naughty girl’s only party where she had been handcuffed, gagged and made to look helpless and at the mercy of anyone there. Her eyes scanned the small tables he was preparing, assorted paddles and impact devices were on display at one supposed station. Another table held electric devices, a violet wand, electric stimulation unit, even what looked like a Hitachi wand with some built in shocking head aptly named the Zeus. The krewe de gras in the center was a device of Greg’s own making, a harness type table Sandy could be secured to and manipulated in any position he wished. Built in total secrecy, it was a one of a kind made just for Sandy.
He walked over to where she was tied, Sandy struggled against her bonds as his hand slid along the outside of her arm.
“Now, now my dear, I am sure you know what all I have planned for you. After all we have spoken in great depth about all the things you have wanted to try but were too scared to tell anyone, well anyone you knew in real life.”
“It was all fantasy” Sandy said, her voice trembling as his wicked smile grew even bigger “Just a game to help get us both off with.”
“That was all just foreplay my dear, now this is the main event. Time to pay the piper I would say. Or do you prefer put up or shut up?” Greg’s voice suddenly dark and ominous “Of course I will allow you a safe word if things get over your head. It is one you told me was your favorite a while back, just say it and that part of your evening will end and we will move on.”
Sandy’s mind raced as she tried to think of what safe word he was talking about. Before her mind could fix on any one word his rough hands grabbed her and he stood her up. His hot breath in her face as he manhandled her to the bench and forcefully strapped her down. A pair of scissors made quick work of her clothing as he cut away, leaving her nude and exposed to him. As her mind tried to comprehend what was happening, she could see the impact items laid out as he fingered each one lovingly. His hand rested on a small leather paddle. It had a kind of fur on one side and the other was raised knobs like the back of decorative furniture tacks. It looked like a toy in his big hands as he picked it up. A push of the button and music started to play. Some of the featured tracks he had come to enjoy listening to as they chatted online about her desires. The first few hit were so light it almost made Sandy think he was losing his nerve. The fur really felt nice and tickled a little on her skin. Gradually they became firmer and with the tempo of the music. The heavy base thumped as the paddle landed over and over, the intensity and warm feeling in her exposed ass grew. Before long, her head felt like she was in a different world, she had all but forgotten her dire situation as Greg had made her tender bum hot and red. He ran his hand along her well warmed ass a few times. Caressing and cupping her beautiful flesh.
“Such a naught little girl, I see you have become aroused.”
Sandy felt ashamed for a moment then it passed quickly as she felt a cold metal device being inserted into her dripping wetness. Some form of harness held it in place as he pushed a button and a tingle ran though her. He laughed as he set the electric pulses to the beat of the music. Picking up a flogger he began to take his time to match the tempo. Sandy’s eyes glazed over as she could not fight back the growing wave that was beginning to crest inside her. Her yelp of pleasure as the wave crashed over her echoed off the wall.
Greg stopped the flogging and turned off the device. Sandy was a drooling mess as he laughed. There was the sound of a door slamming shut and someone in a security guard uniform walked in. Sandy was saved! Greg backed up and set down the flogger. For a moment she expected him to run.
“What are you doing sir?” the young man demanded from across the room
“Good sir this is my warehouse and you are trespassing.” Greg said firmly
“What kind of freak show is going on here? Ma’am are you, all right?”
Sandy wasn’t sure, her mind wanted to scream she had been kidnapped but her body was begging for more.
“I..I… I am fine sir.” Sandy caved as her desire won over her common since.
“Well good,” the young man said, “Hope you don’t mind me staying and watching, you never know when you will need a third person for things like this.”
Greg smiled as the two embraced. “I told you she would break easily Sam.”
The crop licked her flesh like a lover’s tongue sliding along the surface of her skin. Mews of pleasure and gasps escaped her lips. Each flick of my wrist made the hungry ends find the flesh it longed to kiss and redden. The pulse of the music set the pace, deep thuds of hypnotic sounds filled the room.
Setting the crop down now it was time for the bare hand sound. That distinct sound of the skin on skin as it sent her into a trance, her body shuddering with each beat as I could feel the growing heat. No prints, just the glow as my hand went to and fro, cheek to cheek in a balanced rhythm. Her coos being our lover’s anthem.
A change of pace, a paddle took the hand’s place. Padded wood now swatting the skin, flesh yielding as the impacts began. The slow beats made each hit freeze like a moment in time, the warm glowing flesh made a delightful sight. Deep booming thuds as the padded paddle made her flesh jump and dance. Harder and harder each swing came, knowing with this paddle all was fair game. A full on hit with a crash matching thunder, all she did was moan. More she begged for in a subspace mutter.
A new song as my hand caressed her now warm bum, smiling as I knew it had just begun. Her moans and arching into each touch a signal she craved more. Evil paddles lay on display my wicked fingers curled around the dark blue, a color that soon her flesh would share. The raised nubs made white divots in the flesh for a moment after each impact. The slow tempo gave a long time to get her flesh screaming for more. Another song the increased tempo increased the paddles speed. Her arch said it was no longer a want but a need. Strikes deliberate as I focused on the place she would later sit. Sadistic glee as I knew she was relishing now what she would later curse.
A deep glowing red now shown on her flesh as she demanded more, begged for more, needed more. It was time to switch to the dreaded cane, I knew she soon would cave from the pain. The short black rod normally would cause her to dance and call for a stop. This time she cried out, but not in pain but in bliss as her body shook from the wicked kiss. In dismay I reached for the crimson rod, it stung like the fire of an old god. As the song ended my arm was spent, even more to my dismay her flesh still only carried a red with little else to hint.
One last thought as she arched for more, I took the leather lash and applied a few more scores. A single miss on my part brought it all down. The house of cards fell as the leather had wrapped around. Her wail of pain as the red glow shown like red ember on her pale hip. The sudden realization we had been going for an hour as sweat poured off my body I had not noticed before. It was over for sure as she looked in the mirror in shock as well. Only red then the truth started to tell. She will indeed have some deep bruises to be proud of from this scene we did. The colors will come in a day or two. So next scene might be a bit milder as we explore other things to do.