BDSM

Whips, chains and ropes oh my, the world of BDSM is an exciting realm to explore and see how far it will take you. BDSM covers such a huge realm from soft DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl) to rope bunnies, D/s (Dominant/submissive), and more extreme relationships. One misconception commonly held is the need to engage in sex to have a scene. Do not misunderstand me, sex and sexuality play a part but there is no need for actual penetration while doing a scene. A rope bunny can be tied fully clothed, a spanking scene can be done with jeans on, in fact the jeans can make it sting more.

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Ask any professional Dom or Dommie, often their scenes do not allow for penetration because of the situation. Especially if the local laws prevent it. Without going into each state or countries regulation it is safe to assume that in many places the interaction between a professional top or bottom with a client sexual intercourse is illegal. Thin about how much more energy would be put toward a scene if having sex was taken off the table.

For a what would be consider a good satisfying scene there might need to be a bit more creativity. Expand your thinking of how to make it exciting for the partner. Use that brain and see what is possible, a rope bunny with different color rope to make it more pretty or take time to learn a new knot tie or whole form of tying. A spanking scene can be fun with various kinds of impact toys. A good spanker knows how each item delivers a different kind of impact. From floggers to paddles or canes, each having their own feel and type of impact, a good spanker knows each one works and feels.

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The key in BDSM is that is creates a deeper connection and exploration. Have fun, and for goodness sake Tops do not take yourself so seriously that laughter is a bad thing. I have seen those stuffy Top that are total control freaks needing it to go perfect. If something goes sideways, they totally lose their mind. Where is the fun and excitement in that? Just relax and go with the moment and enjoy it.

BDSM is a beautiful realm, it takes communication and honesty to make it work. If you feel you are unable to share every desire and need then that is not the relationship you need to be in. A single scene or two would be fine, but it would bode trouble for a long-term relationship. Neither side should have secrets, they are horrible and will eventually ruin the relationship. If one needs a poly relationship and the other monogamous it will lead to cheating or resentment. If one need to be involved in impact play and the other finds it boring or hates it then it will eventually lead to disaster for the relationship. If one is into CNC (consensual – nonconsensual) and the other holds back the secret they were assaulted, it can lead to an explosive situation or total breakdown in a scene.

I for one enjoy the world of BDSM and hope you do as well. My wish to everyone is that they have many wonderful experiences and grown in their wisdom and adventure. So have fun people and always remember to practice safety when engaging in any form of BDSM play.

Breath Play

I am continuing to share what I know about some of the kink world from my experiences. If you are under 18 this is not for you so scram.

Breath play is a multifaceted subculture that is part of the kink world. From auto-erotic asphyxiation to manual strangulation by a partner, it is considered one of the more dangerous of all the categories on the extreme side of the kink world because if it is done without a proper understanding it can cause brain damage and death. One does not have to look far to read a story of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone horribly wrong. There are also cases where a person either through ignorance or being “caught up in the moment” have compromised their partners ability to receive oxygen to their brain, thus leading to death or brain damage. I know, you are thinking damn man you are driving the point in hard about the danger. You are correct, I want everyone to be safe and have a great time. I would never recommend auto-erotic asphyxiation, ever! In a solo situation if something goes wrong there is little to no chance of being able to get help in time, even if your “buddy” is watching from Skype or Zoom. With a partner even then certain situations I personally refrain from engaging in. The potential risk is more then I consider acceptable for the reward.

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I will never use an object or device that can lock or catch where it is difficult to release. All you belt lovers I would highly recommend making sure the belt was unable to be secured when it is tightened. If the belt locks like it was designed to do then you will have to tighten it more and take a few extra seconds, that you may not have, to release the latch. A D-ring attached to a leather piece or old belt would be safer than an actual belt buckle and you can get one for fifty cents or less and any hardware or general store. The same goes for people who enjoy using rope to choke with. Twisting the rope to lock it so you do not have to use so much pressure to hold it can be dangerous. Twisting will tighten the rope even more around the neck, adding to the pressure you already applied. I seriously doubt your arms will get tired before you should have released the tension on the rope.

My personal recommendation would be using a bare hand to the sides of the throat and applying pressure for a few seconds to the artery, seconds being the count of ten and release. If you are unsure where the artery is then do a little research beforehand.  For any objects used on the throat to choke, said objects should be thick and preferably soft [like clothing] to keep even pressure. A shirt or towel are favorites of mine, they are thick and soft but get the intended result. Never use excessive pressure because it would be easy to damage or crush the larynx and /or trachea, also known as the windpipe.

Breath Play slides in and out of all the other forms of kink play like a sweet syrupy additive to a scene, it brings an additional euphoria to the one being properly choked. For the one doing the choking it is a rush of power and control. From the hands on, using a cloth on a neck, a pillow over the face (definitely not recommended without hand signals) to bagging; all come together in mysterious way to heighten the experience for some harder type kink players.

A simple hand over the mouth and pinching the nose is a form of breath play as well, often part of fear play I enjoy using in scenes. As simple as it is, the outcome is quite effective. It is close and personal normally with body to body contact. This form of breath play can also be applied by pressing a partner into the crook of the shoulder. Because the partner’s facial expressions cannot be seen this should only be done if both parties have talked about it before and have preset non-verbal signals.

Bagging is one I have never been interested in, it just never had been something I found fascinating or erotic, but I do know others that do. It is when a plastic bag is used over the face of a partner to slow or stop their breathing. I can not give any advice on this kind of play except like all other breath play use caution and think safety first.

Aquatic breath play is one I really do not care for. It included water boarding which in my opinion is akin to torture. Also, I have heard of holding someone’s head under water in a tub or pool while engaged in some form of sexual activity. For me this is way out of my boundaries. The danger of aspiration and further complications are high. Even though I identify as a sadist this is a realm of torture too far for me. In my opinion breath play should be about enjoying the ride not giving the other person a traumatic experience.

Before engaging in any kind of breath play type activity I highly suggest researching the risks and proper ways to engage in whatever form of this play you desire to try. Yes, it can be fun and yes, I do enjoy partners that green light breath play. I just want everyone to be smart and safe. Have fun enjoy and always educate yourself.

Blade Play

This is a blog for adults so if you are under 18 scram.

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There is a lot of debate over certain parts of RACK play. Each comes with their own risks and today I would like to talk about one of my favorites, blade play. Before anything else there needs to be a high level of trust. A blade is not a toy and things can go bad quickly if there is an accident. For me blade play is any time a blade is used in a scene. From using one to shave off the wax in a hot wax scene, fear play and even bloodletting, all fall into that category, in my opinion. One of the most interesting things for me is how so many times different types of play intermingle. I already mentioned wax and fear play, but a blade is not necessary for either of them.

The basic is using a knife to heighten a scene in some way. I will never forget a scene I saw at a club in Atlanta call The Chamber. Dim lights as a lady dripped candle wax on a guy who was tied to a table. It was obvious he was enjoying it. Once the candles had burned short, I thought it was over as she let him lay there for a minute. Then she pulled out a boot knife, her first move was fast sliding along her chest. I remember the gasps around me as I was transfixed on the silver that was showing an edge of red. It was the wax she had quickly shaved off. The next few minutes were frozen in my brain as I watched her shave the wax off his body. It was amazingly effective way to clean him but even more how she was making well practiced moves around his chest, belly and down his legs that had been painted with the hot drips.

I had used blades before but never like that. It was riveting to observe. My previous blade play was for fear play and some light cutting. I had a blade I kept dull so that I would not accidentally cut my partner. I could put it on the throat without the chance of cutting them badly, but there was that feeling of them stiffening because subconsciously there is always a reaction to cold steel in sensitive areas. It is a rush of primal predator and prey, that feeling of total control. It is often labeled as a sadistic style of play because of the close tie to using fear and pain.

Sometime cutting is involved too. I become transfixed on that beautiful crimson welling that can mingle with sweat or just weave over the skin in a slow line. Drawing lines along the flesh to make a design, a heart being my favorite. It is a way of making sure my presence is remembered longer than a bruise lasts. Here the blade needs to be sharp, mine are razor sharp. Caution to know how deep to go, often just breaking the surface is enough. Be sure the blade is clean as well; infections and excessive bleeding could be potential issues as well. Always have a first aid kit handy and be SOBER! Drinking and blade play are a poor mix. It would be easy to have a serious accident with a sharp blade. Also, alcohol makes a person bleed more, ask any good tattoo artist.

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I have several types of blades for different styles of blade play as well. From huge to incite a fear response to a small one that looks like it is a joke till the razor-sharp edge carves perfect lines. There is a natural fear of a blade hardwired in most people, that is why it is so effective in fear play. My regular pocketknife is the perfect size to produce such fear. Not obscenely big but big enough to make a person pay attention to it.

I can not stress enough with blade play to actively be aware of what you are doing. If you are not sure, do not do it. Safety is paramount in this kind of play; it would be easy to cause injury or death. With all that said if you do engage then enjoy. I hope this helps, if you have any questions do not be afraid to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

That hot September afternoon

This is an adult post so if you are not 18 or older leave

That hot September afternoon, the summer held us all in its grip. The sweat running down my back as every muscle was sore and pushed almost as far as possible. The dust hung in the breezeless afternoon as we rested under the tree, sticking to our skin and turning to paste in our mouths with every breath. Work on the fence was almost complete just a few more holes to dig and posts to set before the wire could be run. A dust devil danced and twisted on the dirt road not far behind the rusty old pickup truck, we would be finished by nightfall as I forced myself to get up one more time.

Jamie just laid there watching, the brim of her old ragged baseball hat pulled down over her eyes to keep the sun out. She rocked that country girl look with her button up plaid shirt tied at the midriff and those short cut off jeans that were little more than worn out threads. She was not much help when work was involved but she sure was easy on the eyes. A couple hours later I was done as she proclaimed me the victor of the fence line, well the posts at least. The line we would run tomorrow.harvest_moon

The moon rose over the edge of the field, it was big and reddish orange. That meant it was going to be another hot day tomorrow. Another day of me working in the blistering sun and Jamie watching nearby. I took my shirt out of the cab of the truck and wiped the sweat off my face, probably smearing more dirt and anything else. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked to the back and pulled the recycled milk jug and took several long drinks of the sweet tea that was in it.

“Help me up.” She playfully said

I shot her that crazy look I was known for. I was exhausted from working and now that spoiled brat wanted me to help her off the ground.

“Your legs ain’t broken” I shot back in my southern drawl.

“I’ll make it worth your while.” She said and bit her bottom lip.

I really hated how she would play me, or at least try to. Sometimes I wondered what she would have done if I had just gotten in the truck and left her in the field. Knowing her, she would have waited till her daddy came and found her then I would have gotten in trouble. I had been working for him for several seasons now, he knew we fancied each other but do not think he realized how much. That first year I was just a high school kid for summer help, and she was running around in pigtails and braces. Now years down the road I would work because it was easier to get in shape on the farm than at the gym. Summer break was like a bootcamp to get back into shape and I had definitely felt it this year. The sun turned my skin a deep copper color, my muscles grew, and the fat melted off in the hot summer days. Jamie traded in her pig tails and braces for a ponytail and midriffs. I know she caught me more than once checking her out.

I offered her a hand and pulled her up with enough force to pull her into my arms. Her lithe frame crashed into my body as I held her. Her eyes flashed that fire of a wild crazy girl I knew was in there before she tried to look offended and play at pushing me away. I did not let go this time. This time she looked in my eyes and I could see her look softened; her push lessened as I leaned in. That first kiss was electric in that field under the tree. The first flickers of fireflies were dancing in the field, a lone coyote howled in the distance.

I picked her up and sat her on the tailgate, my lips gazed hers again. I could feel her shudder as I kissed her, when I nibbled on her earlobe, she let out a mew sound. It was a great feeling as I knew she felt the same attraction I did. Nothing was spoken as my hands ran over her body, then slowly untied her shirt. Her soft skin as my lips kissed her all over and slowly down to her shorts. I fumbled with the button on the top then used my teeth to pull the zipper down. Her scent was intoxicating as I slid the shorts down with my hands but never mover my face. That first taste of her nectar was all it took for me to need more. My tongue licked and danced, making sure I covered ever spot and listened to what made her whine the most. When I found that combination I kept going, repeating the same pattern as her back arched and her fingers locked in my hair. Her yelps and moans filled the field till she let out a series of oh god and unintelligible words. I let her calm down as she looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Wha..wha…What just happened?” she finally stammered out.

“I would guess you just and an orgasm.”

“Does it always feel like that?”

“I guess, I don’t really know. Wait you never had that before?”

She shook her head no and even in the dim light I could see her blush.

“Did you like it?”

Her head slowly shook yes, and I could see the fire growing in her eyes as I could tell she wanted more.

Before summer’s end we were like wild rabbits, in the fields, the barn loft, even the old building we found at the edge of the property line. Summer was winding down and I was getting ready to go back to school. As I left I had no idea what I had set in motion, that was the last time I saw Jamie but from what I heard she became a crazed beast.

Kink, SSC, and RACK

In the BDSM world there and many terms and acronyms tossed around, most are self-explanatory. A few are so engrained that they are used with an expectation they are understood even though many outsiders or new people have no idea what the terms really mean. I would like to briefly share my thoughts and ideas on a few of these here. I might go into more detail later but for now here are the broad strokes.

Kink is one of my favorites, at first blush it known to be a sexual thing, but what exactly is kink, or kinky? By definition kink, when applied to a person, is a quirk of character or behavior, a person’s unusual sexual preference. As clear as that sounds it is still rather vague, after all who is to say what is normal or acceptable? It is also easy to get kink and taboo confused. Taboo is something prohibited or restricted by social custom. Not all kink is taboo, and not all taboo is kink though some people would judge other people’s kink as taboo.  Yeah, it gets confusing and can often be seen in many ways, often it depends on how open minded the person is and what the standard of the society there were raised in. In my personally dating past I have had a partner who thought having the lights on was kinky, others have had varying expectations and ideas of what kink was. With so many possible variations communication is the only way to assure you are on the same page with a partner.

In my opinion you should be able to openly communicate with the person you wish to engage with. I get it, sometimes it feels odd or silly explaining what you want or feel. I can assure you it is even worse having a relationship fall apart because you both wanted the same thing but were to afraid to talk about desires. Find a way to make yourself comfortable asking for what you want, practice at the mirror, with a pillow or stuffed animal. It is not always easy to open up, there is that feeling of being exposed when asking for something desired. The fear of rejection or judgment often inhibit the ability to directly ask for what is wanted. The struggle of should we just try and make it happen and hope for the best to just go without till hopefully the partner leads the interaction in that direction. I have found it goes much smoother when you just talk about what you want and desire, then see if you both are a match. The other two options leave it open for a growing resentment and eventual dissolvement of any kind of relationship.

Next there is SSC, with stands for safe, sane and consensual. Each word sounds self-clarifying but what does it mean in the world of kink and in particular, BDSM? Safe is following an acceptable play style that is not meant to bring harm. Light and breakaway bondage, easy off blindfolds and things of that sort, it often comes with a level of trust. Sane is the implication that both parties are in their right mind. They have no issue or reservation with the planned and discussed elements of a scene and all involved are of a sober mind. Finally, there is consensual, with all parties being engaged willingly and without being coerced in some way. It sounds simple enough at first glance, but how are you sure it falls into all categories? Safe requires being educated on the scene being performed, knowing what truly is safe both physically, mentally and psychology for all involved. Past abuse and fear could come into play here, a fear of the dark would make a blindfold a poor choice in some cases. This is where open and honest communication come into play. It could happen that because of the trust level a blindfold would be acceptable despite the normal fear of the dark. The same applies with sane here, sanity in a scene is what the parties agree upon, what limits are there and the trust they will not be violated. That last flowing into the consensual part, everything being agreed to before hand without a sudden change of plan during the scene unless it is to stop the scene. There would be no badgering or pressure to do something new or different.  SSC is often considered the basis of all BDSM scenes, there should be some degree of the SSC model involved.

RACK or risk assessed consensual kink, is what I feel most represents my personal style. It requires open communication and trust, secrets or hidden feelings in this type of play can lead to harm for one or more of the people involved. Most kinky activities involve a degree of risk, from spanking that could form a bruise with a remote possibility of becoming a blood clot to edge play that if performed without properly being educated can lead to permanent injury or even death. Most scenes are not the extreme level, though there could be parts that fall into the category with varying degrees of risk. From wax play that could cause burns to breath play, blade play, bondage, each with their own levels from mild to the extreme styles of play. Most people I know would say RACK is just for the hard or heavy players and I agree for the most part. I am also consciously aware that every form of kink play has a risk, it is just knowing what the risks are. If I am thinking about performing a certain type of risky play to be aware of all that could go wrong and making sure my partner is aware as well. Education is key in RACK play to keep all parties safe.

I said will kept this brief and just touched the highlights of what I thought about each. If you would like to share your ideas or comments, I would appreciate that very much. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read what I have to say.

Never Surrender

I am pleased there is a pride month, that is wonderful and amazing. Yesterday I watched the Queen Adam Lambert Story. It really hit home as they talked about Freddie and thought it was not the main point it reminded me of the struggles the LGBT community has and, in many places, still goes through. The things we have endured to be able to publicly come together have been bittersweet victories. The lives lost and destroyed along the way were crushing soul felt blows. Safety was in our hands as we wore whistles or sound making devices just in case some group of “gay bashers” showed up and targeted us. We had to always be on our guard, careful who we told and knew we were bi or gay. It’s the 90’s in the land of BBQ, rock-in-roll and river side fun. The hand full of openly gay clubs were shut down by either police raids for acts of lude behavior or acts of violence that drove patrons away. Firebombs burned a few to the ground and parking lot beatings were not uncommon, after all we were “asking for it” by expressing our desire to openly be who we were.

Most everyone in the community was scared back then, the few that were out and open were always in danger. It was the early days of don’t ask, don’t tell for the military, a huge victory since before that anyone caught engaging in any form of homosexual behavior was kicked out of the service. Back then we did not have the LGBT movement, no laws remotely protecting us against discrimination. For those who reported being assaulted it often meant being branded or targeted. What we now call hate crimes were joked about, the victim often the “punch line” to be made fun of. That what they deserve for being deviants. Gays, bisexuals and Transgender people were grouped in with rapists and pedophiles, all equally sexually deviant according to the general public view at the time.

Back then, I was one of the loud and proud, with my multi-colored rat tail and bright colored underwear under white scrubs. I did not care what people thought and said about me behind my back, I dared them to say it too my face. Flamboyant and ostentatious were often used to describe me, I had an amazing primary male lover in my life and a couple female lovers too. It was a rolling party and the world was my oyster. I was bisexual and proud, open minded and in an open relationship; I was living the dream. Things changed and the dream turned to a nightmare, the jarring cold reality of life slapped me in the face as that relationship ended abruptly. Still loud and proud I looked for places to meet more like myself. Straight bars were good if I was looking for a woman, scoping guys was dangerous there. Gay bars, well that goes without saying except I was still too naive or stupid to hide the fact I was bi, but that is a different story for a different time.

The days of the internet had just started. Chat rooms were coming around and we had a place for anonymity and freedom. Finally, the freedom to talk about what we felt and our personal experiences. Ultimately, a place we could meet and talk about things that we wanted, there was an energy to it, a beginning of a movement. I don’t really remember when I first heard the term LGBT but it had arrived. It was still a turbulent time for anyone in the LGBT community. There were some people trying to find out who the gay or bi people were in the chat rooms. There were a few who would pose as gay or bi, “befriending” people and offering to get together for drinks. It was the new age and style of “gay bashing” as several were people were meeting up hoping to connect with an online “friend” only to be beaten or killed just for being who they were.

I had gone underground, or back in the closet, whatever you wish to call it. I had got married and had a couple kids and played the good American strait male. Not bashing but just a family man in a deep backwards southern town. I felt shame, not for being bi but for running away, I felt I had too much to lose to be engaged in the LGBT movement. It was not till two decades and two failed marriages later that I had another relationship that rekindled my bi side. I had met another like me, coy comments and double meaning phrases were passed between us before on night we found ourselves in a position we were able to take a chance and talk about the tension between us. I could say it was like coming up for air, but really it was like waking up again. Things I held back were finally able to be revisited and openly talked about. I rediscovered the LGBT community in my local area, it took a while for me to make any real connection and I do not fault them. There still are some people that want to hurt us for being open about our sexuality.

Looking back, I have great respect for those who stayed the course and kept in the fight. From Freddie who was center stage, my best friend who was able to be married in Washington DC several years ago to his wonderful partner, to the ones that attend the Pride Parades in whatever city they go to. I still stand by the thinking you do life your way and I will do it my way. I stand with pride alongside my LGBT family as we fight for our rights to be free to live without fear. I have found my voice again and am a loud and proud bi male who will never back down or surrender.

Check out who else is sharing for this #wickedwednesday

”Wicked

BDSM and limits

The topic this week is how sexual is BDSM to you. For me this brings up so many different ideas and scenarios, thinking back over a couple decades of various kinds of scenes and categories of play. Different partners, locations and styles I have engaged in or with. At the end of the day it really is all about how far you are willing to take things. What are the things one wants to explore, are there limits that are soft and where is that do not cross line? The mind of my partner is just as sexy as their body. I enjoy sharing ideas or possible scenes and letting thoughts sink in as the anticipation grows till it is almost tangible, it is a type of foreplay for me. Negotiating a scene/relationship is something that may seem tedious but in the end it is necessary for any healthy engagement.

Several times I have been asked what are my personal limits, is there I line I will not cross. If you have been reading my blogs for a while you would know I tend to push the boundaries and can make many people uncomfortable. I will admit I get a sadistic thrill of reading how a scene sent a cold chill running down someone’s spine. I am not without personal limits though and I will share a few here.

I respectfully refuse to engage with someone that say they have no limits; everyone has something that is out of bounds for them. To hear someone say they have no limits means possibly they do not have a  understanding of the BDSM world, potentially they lack a sence of self-respect or preservation. It only takes a couple of questions to figure out which it is. With the former a little education and suddenly it turns from a kinky conversation to an explanation of things in the kink world and possibly a scene later. For the latter I suggest they find help. Some just like the idea of danger, but a few are seriously looking for harm from another. I could write a whole blog about those I have encountered that are looking for someone else to do them harm but that is not what this post is about.

Another absolute rule and definite hard limit for me is the use of alcohol or drugs before a scene. A drink or two depending of what is being consumed I might consider but when it becomes a point of impairment then I will simply walk away. If someone needs to alter their mind or lower their inhibitions to allow a scene to happen then in my humble opinion it is most likely past the comfort zone of that individual. I did not come to this personal limit arbitrarily, in fact there was a time when it did not matter either way to me. With age comes wisdom I guess, plus a couple mornings of regretting the previous nights actions. I get it, not everyone agrees on this, but it is my limit.

Consent is my last hard limit here; some would say that is an oxymoron given my proclivity toward CNC (consensual non-consensual) and RACK (Risk Assessed Consensual Kink) but there is a huge difference between consensual play seeming like it is from a non-consensual direction and actual non-consent. A CNC scene takes a lot of time, trust and effort, limits have to be discussed in detail, wants and desires need to be clear and concise. There is always, always, always a safe word that can be the fallback if things get too sideways for either party. Yes, I did just say either party, because as a responsible dominant, top, whatever you call the lead aggressor in a scene, he or she needs to be aware that the object of their attentions is still another human beings with normal physical limitations. This goes for RACK scenes as well. Even though risky and exciting situations can be fun the top must always be mentally aware of the potential danger they are putting the other person in, even though they have full consent. Why do I put it all on the Top? Because simply put when a submissive allows them to be put in a situation like that they literally are trusting you with their life, health and mental wellbeing. For those that understand this goes without saying but when a bottom gets into what we call subspace their thinking is altered. The lines between pain and pleasure blur, danger becomes some abject thing that does not really exist, previously discussed limits become flexible. In other words, they are extremely vulnerable and could be easily manipulated. If those boundaries are broken, the limit pushed past, lines of consent ignored they may seem to enjoy it at the time but once it is all said and done there will be damage to deal with. After any scene they will crash and need to be comforted, then they will begin to process what they experienced, if all went well and according to the preset negotiation then they will be happy and content. If not, they will feel guilty, angry, betrayed and lash out in some manner, from angry words to legal action against the person who they allowed to be in control of them.

Yes, I know I got a little off topic it seems but for me the ultimate sexual satisfaction for me is what I would call a perfect scene. One where every party enjoyed, we connected mentally as well as physically, even if what is typically perceived as sexual actions never occurred. Clothing does not have to come off, though yes, I do enjoy that as well. It is the satisfaction of a scene well done. That is how sexual satisfaction in BDSM works for me.

come see who else is being wicked this week

”Wicked
 

I am Disgusted

I am disgusted, enraged, revolted and otherwise just outright ashamed at the recent events in the kink blogging community. I will not be naming names or calling people out, I am seething, waiting for the childish hateful attacks to stop. If someone’s feeling or ego are so fragile they shatter like glass over a post that they took in a way so few have, then maybe they might want to look closer at their own self and do some soul searching. I am all for supporting friends and acquaintances but not at the cost of being divisive in our community that is already under heavy scrutiny and disdain from much of society.

These recent activities I have witnessed seem more like a pack of coyotes trying to take down prey rather than an honest mistake or blatant attack on the person or group that claims to have been wronged. To claim that someone apology was disingenuine or just for show will never allow them to ever be able to make amends. It is a militant mindset that disavow someone’s apology while constantly escalating till only their opinion is being touted loud and clear as if it is the only correct view.

It is disheartening to watch as bloggers that have supported and worked together for years now take sides. Suddenly there are lines in the sand, people that we are not supposed to talk or associate with. What happened to my kink is my kink and I can support others even if it is not my thing? Together we are a powerful force to be reckoned with, divided there will be infighting till only ashes of a once thriving community existed. As kink bloggers will we allow this to happen? I know tensions are high with all that is going on in the world, but people wake up, put aside the petty differences and allow an apology to be accepted. I consider those who will not accept an apology as the aggressor and danger to the community. The person/s trying to cause the fractures are a plague and the covid-19 of the blogging world.

For now, I will continue to blog what I feel like, write what I want to write. Participate where I enjoy participating and share what I feel like sharing. It is ok if you do not agree with me. There is a reason Baskin Robbins had 42 flavors, because we are all individuals and our likes vary. I will encourage everyone to stop and think how they would feel if suddenly they were under the same level of attack. Just be you, accept we are all different. Education is fine and disagreements will happen, but we are part of a big, fun great and often dysfunctional family. It’s time to stop bashing and start building one another up.

Life’s Pause

This week the topic was pause and I thought it was quite fitting for my life today. By definition a pause is a temporary stop in action or speech.

I hope it is just temporary, after all this was defiantly not on the list of how things were supposed to go. Without going into details on what has transpired it suffices to say interests have been shuffled around. Activities and events once participated in currently have been put on hold. It is no one’s fault, there is no blame to be placed. It is just life and the most insane timing in a series of events that has set every part of our world back on its heels.  It was not just us either, I was hearing story after story amongst our blogging friends, some so catastrophic I wondered how they were holding it together in the waves of chaos.

For everything there is supposed to be a season and a reason, or so that is what is said. Honestly I do care to know the reason, I just want the season to be over, for us to get back to the life we had and enjoyed. I know the reality, so much has happened and changed returning to how things were is impossible. Alas it is still human nature to look back to what we were comfortable with and wish life was like it was. Life is about change for sure, sometimes it seems that only through pain and destruction will we accept the changes. It is forced upon us as we fight tooth and nail till we are exhausted and succumb to how things are.

There is a personal struggle as well for me, two sides always battling, always at odds when facing issues. Do I go into military mode and scream damage control? Toss the broken parts out and attempt to cobble some facsimile of what used to work? Replace damaged items with new once we have weathered the storm and reached a safe port?  Next to expect the repairs to to make everything good as new, it seems preposterous and idea that things would go on the same. I seriously doubt this would work because then it ignores the history and scars that have shaped us. Honestly it has felt more like a siege for a couple years. Flaming boulders being lobbed over the walls of our inner circle. Outside forces we couldn’t control or predict having an extreme impact in our lives. Now that is more like it, the debris and burned walls that has been left behind. The concerns, fears, real emotional and physical pain that ripped through our world. It still hasn’t ended but it has lessened some, it went from external to internal. Nothing will ever be quite the same, I would be naive to ever think that, rather now it is a time for rebuilding, reshaping, remodeling. This is the part of life that we can use it to make us better and stronger.

I know, right now you’re thinking damn Raven, this isn’t sexy, this isn’t even fun stuff. No it is not, but it is honest life in all its raw reality.  In the depths of it all it has caused, or at least I have allowed myself, to draw on the deepest darkest places of my mind and soul for what has been a series of mental distractions. I hadn’t stopped writing, but rather I had stopped sharing. Why? Because it has been down abysmal dark lines that had become a twisted comfort. To know that could be a level of pain and horror deeper. That is where my muse has been digging, churning and bringing up depraved and what most would call vile and degenerate thoughts. I have wrestled with the thoughts if I should even share these stories. It would most assuredly make many people uncomfortable, trigger others, excite and thrill and unknown part of my readers. It would be a trip down a dark branch of the rabbit trails my mind runs along, where fear, chaos, torment and pain live. The predators and prey come alive, the bad guys win, there are no heroes, and no one saves the day. I had toyed with writing dark erotic/sex based horror in the past, but as event from the outer world unfolded the ideas that fueled the horror became an obsession and a release.

So I’ll just wrap up this long winded woe is me post with saying this, I started this blog unsure of where I was planning of taking it, what I was going to do with it. As life changes so do we and our view of others. I think it is time to let the colors fly and share what has become my obsession for some time. Enjoy, or not, that is your choice. I really hope in part it makes people feel and think, like any other good author would. After a pause for the past few years, it is time to come out of the corner once again.

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