Whips, chains and ropes oh my, the world of BDSM is an exciting realm to explore and see how far it will take you. BDSM covers such a huge realm from soft DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl) to rope bunnies, D/s (Dominant/submissive), and more extreme relationships. One misconception commonly held is the need to engage in sex to have a scene. Do not misunderstand me, sex and sexuality play a part but there is no need for actual penetration while doing a scene. A rope bunny can be tied fully clothed, a spanking scene can be done with jeans on, in fact the jeans can make it sting more.
Ask any professional Dom or Dommie, often their scenes do not allow for penetration because of the situation. Especially if the local laws prevent it. Without going into each state or countries regulation it is safe to assume that in many places the interaction between a professional top or bottom with a client sexual intercourse is illegal. Thin about how much more energy would be put toward a scene if having sex was taken off the table.
For a what would be consider a good satisfying scene there might need to be a bit more creativity. Expand your thinking of how to make it exciting for the partner. Use that brain and see what is possible, a rope bunny with different color rope to make it more pretty or take time to learn a new knot tie or whole form of tying. A spanking scene can be fun with various kinds of impact toys. A good spanker knows how each item delivers a different kind of impact. From floggers to paddles or canes, each having their own feel and type of impact, a good spanker knows each one works and feels.
The key in BDSM is that is creates a deeper connection and exploration. Have fun, and for goodness sake Tops do not take yourself so seriously that laughter is a bad thing. I have seen those stuffy Top that are total control freaks needing it to go perfect. If something goes sideways, they totally lose their mind. Where is the fun and excitement in that? Just relax and go with the moment and enjoy it.
BDSM is a beautiful realm, it takes communication and honesty to make it work. If you feel you are unable to share every desire and need then that is not the relationship you need to be in. A single scene or two would be fine, but it would bode trouble for a long-term relationship. Neither side should have secrets, they are horrible and will eventually ruin the relationship. If one needs a poly relationship and the other monogamous it will lead to cheating or resentment. If one need to be involved in impact play and the other finds it boring or hates it then it will eventually lead to disaster for the relationship. If one is into CNC (consensual – nonconsensual) and the other holds back the secret they were assaulted, it can lead to an explosive situation or total breakdown in a scene.
I for one enjoy the world of BDSM and hope you do as well. My wish to everyone is that they have many wonderful experiences and grown in their wisdom and adventure. So have fun people and always remember to practice safety when engaging in any form of BDSM play.